Our Journey

Thursday, September 25, 2008

My heart is broken in two...

Tonight as I reflect upon our trip to Kenya I find myself torn in half. On one hand, I feel a calling to Africa that is so strong that I feel as though I have been away from my hometown too long and desperately need to return. The country calls to me, it's people call to me. I long to be God's hands and feet to the widows and orphans and I long to meet those who have never heard of my Jesus and tell them of a hope that they have never imagined. I want to feed the hungry and help clothe the naked but......

These are pictures of the children that will likely stay behind. Our son Weston,

our daughter Kastiney and her new husband Derek . Even now, I write this
with tears streaming down my face. I LOVE my children and my heart breaks
at the thought of being separated from them.

Weston is a very bright, young man which has made some of his earlier years
difficult for me as he challenged our every decision concerning him. You see, I
was raised in a family where the simplest opinion was considered "back talk"
and so I was very frustrated by his insistence that we justify our rulings and opinions. Through it all, we have learned to respect each other and I enjoy his company immensely. He is hilarious, quick-witted and is becoming a compassionate man. I see this man that he is becoming and I burst with pride and ask myself.. How am I to exist on another continent from my son? Where will I be when he is preparing to go to prom with his girlfriend? Who will fix his boutonniere and tell him to be a gentleman? How can I miss the upcoming concerts where he will shine in his role as Concert Master? Who will hug him in spite of his discomfort and embarrassment? Is this what God truly wants from me?

Derek and Kastiney have only been married about two months. I love to watch them interact with each other, struggling to merge into "one". I want to be here for them, to be available for advice when times are tough, to share in their joy...to someday hold their babies in my arms. Kastiney has been my "mini-me" for most of her life. She has played the role of oldest daughter well. She has been my right hand since she was small and has always been my encourager. I waited for such a long time for her to be an adult so that I could finally enjoy her on a woman to woman basis. Now it's finally time. She is a beautiful, mature young woman and now I am supposed to be in Africa? God, please explain!

I know that God will not give us more than we can bear but right now this feels unbearable. Please pray for us that God will speak so clearly that we cannot doubt and that he will heal the brokenness in my heart.

Labels: children, Kenya, mission, separation

Friday, September 19, 2008

In the beginning...

Since announcing our intent to move to Kenya we have had many people ask the question, "How did this all come about?" Well...you asked for it! The idea of missions was first brought up to us about 13 yrs ago. We took a test that was designed to evaluate the area of ministry that we would be most suited to serve in. When our test was evaluated, they told us that our number one "area of giftedness" was missions. Howie and I immediately responded with, "No way!" or "Forget it!" I told the class leader that there was no chance that I would move to some "weird country" and eat their "weird food" and laughed in his face. Looking back, I think that God must have been laughing harder!
Two years ago, we began the long process of adopting two children from Ethiopia. As we spent time going through the steps, we met many people, one who runs an adoption agency in Spokane. As it turned out, we didn't adopt. We were a little confused because we had really felt that we were supposed to, but God had a plan. While attending the International Convention for Open Bible, I heard a man speak about his mission in Kenya. He was issuing a plea for prayer and support for their new orphanage. They were trying to establish a home for children who live and sleep on the streets in their city. I felt like I was supposed to help connect him to the adoption agency here. I gave him my email and told him that I would try to help him contact her. To my dismay, it wasn't that easy. The laws for adoption in Kenya make it very difficult for international adoptions.
I started to question my ability to hear God at all. First, the adoption for us and then the whole thing with Patrick! I felt very foolish but it was all part of a bigger plan. We have not only kept in contact with Patrick and his wife Alice, but have also heard their heart for Kenya. It is a heart that we now share. Now we are not only willing, but excited to go to this "weird country" and eat their "weird food". As a matter of fact I cooked a Kenyan meal last night! I think that God is smiling (if not chuckling). Could He lead us somewhere else from here; to another unexpected turn? Absolutely! We look forward to it and trust that He has a wonderful plan for us!

Labels: food, Kenya, mission