My heart is broken in two...
Tonight as I reflect upon our trip to Kenya I find myself torn in half. On one hand, I feel a calling to Africa that is so strong that I feel as though I have been away from my hometown too long and desperately need to return. The country calls to me, it's people call to me. I long to be God's hands and feet to the widows and orphans and I long to meet those who have never heard of my Jesus and tell them of a hope that they have never imagined. I want to feed the hungry and help clothe the naked but......These are pictures of the children that will likely stay behind. Our son Weston,
our daughter Kastiney and her new husband Derek . Even now, I write this with tears streaming down my face. I LOVE my children and my heart breaks
at the thought of being separated from them.
Weston is a very bright, young man which has made some of his earlier years
difficult for me as he challenged our every decision concerning him. You see, I
was raised in a family where the simplest opinion was considered "back talk"
and so I was very frustrated by his insistence that we justify our rulings and opinions. Through it all, we have learned to respect each other and I enjoy his company immensely. He is hilarious, quick-witted and is becoming a compassionate man. I see this man that he is becoming and I burst with pride and ask myself.. How am I to exist on another continent from my son? Where will I be when he is preparing to go to prom with his girlfriend? Who will fix his boutonniere and tell him to be a gentleman? How can I miss the upcoming concerts where he will shine in his role as Concert Master? Who will hug him in spite of his discomfort and embarrassment? Is this what God truly wants from me?
Derek and Kastiney have only been married about two months. I love to watch them interact with each other, struggling to merge into "one". I want to be here for them, to be available for advice when times are tough, to share in their joy...to someday hold their babies in my arms. Kastiney has been my "mini-me" for most of her life. She has played the role of oldest daughter well. She has been my right hand since she was small and has always been my encourager. I waited for such a long time for her to be an adult so that I could finally enjoy her on a woman to woman basis. Now it's finally time. She is a beautiful, mature young woman and now I am supposed to be in Africa? God, please explain!
I know that God will not give us more than we can bear but right now this feels unbearable. Please pray for us that God will speak so clearly that we cannot doubt and that he will heal the brokenness in my heart.
Labels: children, Kenya, mission, separation
posted by The Hambleton Family @ 8:32 PM
1 Comments:
You are definetly in my prayers and God has been working on my heart...something to do with you two...but I need to wait and keep praying. God will let me know when the time is right. Love you guys sooo much!
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